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Tip on setting healthy boundaries

1. Name your limits.

You can’t set good boundaries if you’re unsure of where you stand. To identify your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual limits consider what you can tolerate and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed. “Those feelings help us identify what our limits are.”

2. Tune into your feelings.

We may automatically assume that we are angry if we yell, but it’s possible to cover up feelings of sadness or embarrassment with things that look like anger to make us feel less vulnerable. Take the time to look below the surface symptoms and see what’s going on underneath.

3. Be direct.

The key to being direct is knowing what you want and identifying how you truly feel. Let others know exactly how you feel in a calm, confident, and respectful way. Remember, your feeling is always valid. It’s the way you respond, it what makes it right or wrong.

4. Give yourself permission

Permitting yourself to be yourself is a process. It starts with small permissions such as permitting yourself to rest when you are tired or sick or permitting yourself to ask for help when you need it.  When you practice these smaller permissions regularly, it becomes easier to permit yourself to be your true self.

5. Practice self-awareness

Self-awareness is one of the most important skills for success. How you behave and respond to external situations is governed by internal mental processes. Self-awareness uncovers any destructive thought patterns and unhealthy habits. This leads to better decision-making and behavioral responses.  For example:  Know what triggers your negative emotions, reflect on the way you respond to things, give yourself some lag time before responding to things, and know what makes you happy.

6. Consider your past and present

How you were raised along with your role in your family can become additional obstacles in setting and preserving boundaries. If you held the role of caretaker, you learned to focus on others, letting yourself be drained emotionally or physically. Learning to identify this can come from therapy. Therapy truly helps, but you just have to find the right one. It’s just like a relationship. It has to be a good match.

7. Make self-care a priority

Making self-care a priority may involve permitting yourself to put yourself first. When we do this our need and motivation to set boundaries to become stronger. Self-care also means recognizing the importance of your feelings and honoring them. These feelings serve as important cues about our wellbeing and about what makes us happy and unhappy. Putting yourself first also gives you the energy, peace of mind, and positive outlook to be more present with others and be there for them. and when we’re in a better place, we can be better people.

8. Seek support

If you’re having a hard time with boundaries, seek some support, whether that support group, church, counseling, coaching from coach Tiffany, or good friends. With friends or family, you can even make it a priority with each other to practice setting boundaries together and hold each other accountable.

9. Be assertive

Of course, we know that it’s not enough to create boundaries but we have to allow this action to show. Even though we know that people are not mind readers, we still expect others to know what hurts us. Since they don’t, it’s important to assertively communicate with the other person when they’ve crossed a boundary. Respectfully, let the other person know what in particular is bothersome to you and that you can work together to address it.

10. Start small

Like any new skill, assertively communicating your boundaries takes practice. Starting with a small boundary that isn’t threatening to you, and then incrementally increasing to more challenging boundaries. Build upon your success, and at first, try not to take on something that feels overwhelming. Setting boundaries takes courage, practice, and support. Remember that it’s a skill you can master.

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